Do you believe a person needs to understand something in order to agree with it? We don't. Understanding and agreement aren't mutually exclusive. After stumbling upon a couple of passionate conversations, we wondered why we should treat them as if they must occur together.
What does it mean to understand?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines understanding as "the fact or state of knowing or perceiving something." Understanding is a mental process involving comprehending another person's knowledge, beliefs, and feelings. It is a cornerstone of human interaction, including communication. Most people also consider it a critical factor in maintaining human relationships. To illustrate this point, let's look at the divide on the topic of pineapples as a pizza topping. It may be surprising that many people have a firm opinion on this topic. However, even if pineapples on pizza is your jam, it is possible to remain open in the discussion to learn the reasoning behind a different perspective.
What does it mean to agree?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, there are a few definitions for the word agree. For the context of our conversation, we'll use the description "to achieve or be in harmony (as of opinion, feeling, or purpose)." There are varying aspects of agreements. Individuals can agree on a topic in general, but not all the elements of the subject. For example, we may all agree parents should spend quality time with their children. However, there is a good chance we may disagree on precisely what family quality time should look like.
You can understand but not agree or agree but not understand
Gaining understanding is a standalone process. As a process, we have to intentionally seek information on the topic, individual, or circumstance. Also, we have to care enough to ask questions that would bring understanding to all parties. The ability to be understanding is a vital aspect of socializing. Suppose you can't understand a particular point of view. It becomes exponentially harder to connect or relate to the individual in that case. The two concepts are not synonymous but complementary; understanding is a precondition for genuine agreement, but agreeing does not necessarily imply understanding. Examples of this can be found in many workplaces. It is common for employees to agree to complete a task without fully understanding why their managers chose the task or method for completing it. Because understanding and being in agreement work closely together, it's often assumed they cannot occur separately.
Wrapping it Up
We believe that understanding and agreeing do not always coexist. This is okay. Our expectations have changed; instead of always seeking consensus, we now seek knowledge first.
Application. As you already know, we are not professionals in this area, which prompted us to research the topic. But here are a few tips that have helped us to take steps in focusing more on understanding than agreeing.
Enter conversations with an open mind. Don't jump to conclusions. You never know why people feel or perceive the world the way they do.
Get to know more about the individual or situation. When we get more information, the subject or point of view becomes more evident.
Instead of trying to prove a point, ask questions.
When you know your experience gives you more information on a topic than the person you are speaking with, don't speak in a demeaning tone. Instead, make use of this as an opportunity to share your perspective and your history.
Know that it is okay if you need more time to understand a particular point of view. Don't feel like you have to finish the conversation at that moment. Instead, reassure yourself and the other person that you have time so you can change the subject, have a meal or set a specific time to continue.
Remember that you are created to be an extraordinary being. Display God's awesomeness by being exactly who he made you to be.
Remember that it is okay if you disagree. Don't pretend to agree just to end the conversation. It is okay if you think differently. Your thoughts are valuable.
We would love to know your thoughts. Do you believe understanding and agreeing have to coexist? Have you had conversations where you understood but disagreed? Comment below.
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